Posted by Christopher Mc on Tuesday, August 3, 2010,
In :
Humour
 I was chatting to someone the other day and the subject of Chelsea Clinton's (then) upcoming nuptials arose. As a throwaway remark I said it was a "real NAP" ( Niall Ahern Production) - you either know from experience or you can't possibly imagine what I mean. Well, I literally fell off my chair when I discovered that the vows had included the poem, " The Life That I Have", favourite poem of said Niall Ahern. Real Twilight Zone territory. And for all the money, well, Chelsea aint exactly soft on ... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Tuesday, August 3, 2010,
In :
Humour
...I realise that, as a number of readers seem to think, it might look like I was talking about a particular priest about whom I may have blogged before. Well it's not him and the clue should be in the last line. The reference to Poleglass is a reference that will be understood by maybe three people - you know who you are. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Tuesday, August 3, 2010,
In :
Humour

For most, cracking open the champagne is the start of a raucously good time. For others, it is the final few seconds of healthy eyesight. Incorrect popping of champagne corks is one of the most common holiday-related eye hazards, according to the American Academy of Ophthalmology, the Eye M.D. Association. "It's a sobering thought, but many revelers forget that popping the cork on a bottle of champagne is a dangerous activity if done incorrectly," said Andrew Iwach, M.D., Academy spokespers... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Monday, August 2, 2010,
In :
Humour

Dennis Taylor- I'm gonna tell you something. Somebody messes with me, I'm gonna mess with with him. Somebody steals from me, I'm gonna say you stole. One more thing, you have an all out prize fight, you wait until the fight is over, one guy is left standing. And that's how you know who won.
Cliff Thorburn: Well he's still not borrowing my cue extension again.
Wrigley's: We were very proud to be one of the principal sponsors at today's funeral. St Anne's is a great venue and having Stephe... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, August 1, 2010,
In :
Humour

Have you been following the, sometimes, nasty debate on the Theology of the Body that has been exercising the Catholic ether for the last year? Chistopher West has been delivering a popular course of lectures for some time but was attacked for his views by Alice von Hildebrand, who seems to have taken his arguments as a personal attack on her husband. My wife has links to the main elements of the argument here.
If you want a quick summary - well:
Venerable Pope John Paul: Sex is good.
Alice ... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Wednesday, July 28, 2010,
In :
Humour
 Here's a question for you (well two). How come traditional standard sized biscuits of shredded wheat are so delicious, and yet bite-sized shredded wheat are so vile? It's a mystery. Here's another one. How come, given the above, that this very night in the family cereal cupboard there are NO boxes of shredded wheat, and yet there are, not one, not two, but yes, THREE BOXES OF BITE SIZED SHREDDED WHEAT? And that's not counting the hideous stuffed with blueberry version. As you will know if you... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, June 20, 2010,
In :
Humour
Legal fees - £100 million
Computers and office space - £91 million
Annoying the hell out of sectarian bigots like Gregory Campbell - PRICELESS. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, June 20, 2010,
In :
Humour
This is a funny story. This is a true story. This actually happened.
It was the late 1990s, the years of the Drumcree protests, the years when the region was regularly brought to a standstill by Loyalist hoods, the years when three little boys could be burnt in their beds to protest not being allowed to walk on a road.
It was a time when ordinary people did their best to get out, when the road from Belfast to Letterkenny was was nose to tail with fleeing Catholics.
And ordinary Protestan... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Monday, June 7, 2010,
In :
Humour
 St Mary's Church in Drogheda has a display on at present featuring a copy of the Shroud of Turin, acquired during the recent pilgrimage of the Fraternity of St Genesius to Turin. It's about half life size. Some of the comments overheard include: - "Isn't it great that they've managed to get the Shroud of Turin to come to Drogheda - you'd think there'd be more publicity about it" - "Wasn't he very small - I always imagined Jesus to be taller than that" - "Maybe that's him when he was a boy" Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Monday, May 24, 2010,
In :
Humour
There has been much speculation about the reasoning behind the recent appointment of SMA superior Fr Kieran O'Reilly as bishop of Killaloe. In particular why the so called popular choice, the nepotic Fr Des Hillery, failed to get the nod. Apparently it didn't help his cause that he appeared to be totally plastered when celebrating Mass recently - photo here. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Monday, May 24, 2010,
In :
Humour

I was very surprised to see this story in the Manchester Guardian:
A media lynch mob is bent on destroying Pope
Fresh reports about the Pope's past just don't add up. But facts matter little in an issue that has become so politicised.
Oh wait, I misread.
Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, May 23, 2010,
In :
Humour
 Q. You have three girls making their First Holy Communion together in Drogheda. Do you rent: A1. A pink hummer A2. A white hummer A3. The Mc Donagh glass pumpkin coach and white horses as used by Jordan A4. All of the above? Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Friday, May 14, 2010,
In :
Humour
 I was in possibly the world's most perilous building today. It was the Dominican Church in Drogheda for Mass this morning, part of a novena of Masses in honour of Our Lady of Fatima. Well in the middle of Mass we had the Sacrament of the Sick, and I'd say about 90% of those present went forward to receive annointing. Who would have suspected that so many people were in danger. An outbreak of ebola virus? The swine flu suddenly rampant. Canon 1004: The anointing of the sick can be administered... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, May 9, 2010,
In :
Humour
 Q.1 You're taking a disruptive child of three to evening Mass on Sunday. Do you - A. Sit in the back where all the disruptive no-goods sit? B. Sit about five seats from the front where he can see what's going on but you can still control him? C. Sit in the front seat where he can distract the priest throughout and let him climb out the front so he can run on to the sanctuary and sit on the steps? Q. 2 You want to bring something with you to help control/distract the child. Do you bring - ... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Monday, April 26, 2010,
In :
Humour
 Speaking of disgraceful stories - the BBC is reporting that Manchester City will be given special permission to sign a goal-keeper for the last three games of the season after Shay Given dislocated his shoulder. Their second keeper is injured, their third on loan to Birmingham. But they do have a fourth keeper, Gunnar Nielsen, who played for a while on Saturday after Given was stretchered off. This is a piece of nonsense that could affect who gets the 4th spot in the Premiership. The Footba... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Friday, April 16, 2010,
In :
Humour
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, April 11, 2010,
In :
Humour
... of those who came last in the race to become the new Doctor Who. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, April 11, 2010,
In :
Humour
 One takes a certain vicarious pleasure in the success of one's class-mates.
In particular it is always good to follow the careers of those who had posts of responsibility in Maynooth. Micael Ledwith, now a successful new age guru, with his Orbs and Hamburger Universe. Doubtless we'll hear more of him in the coming months as the Apostolic Visitation of Maynooth gets under way and the trustees/bishops try to explain everything that went on. I, of course, will be only too glad to make myself a... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, April 4, 2010,
In :
Humour

During his homily and urbi et orbe address on Easter Sunday and blessing of his new Popemobile, Pope Benedict XVI failed to condemn the recent spate of ATM thefts that have plagued border counties; he also failed to condemn the torture of frogs by small boys, genocide, adultery, fornication and any programme George Jones or Pat Kenny hosts; he also failed to mention child abuse.
Commentators have concluded that he supports all of these crimes and doesn't take the issue seriously.
A Vatican sp... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Friday, April 2, 2010,
In :
Humour
...the day in which Irish lapsed Catholics prove how mature and sophisticated they are by getting the train so they can drink.  Any chance of a great big thunderbolt over Limerick? Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Friday, April 2, 2010,
In :
Humour
"When I suggested getting some fish-nets as a prop for our Vocations Mass, this wasn't really what I had in mind." Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Wednesday, March 31, 2010,
In :
Humour
Winter has now lasted 6 months! Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Monday, March 29, 2010,
In :
Humour
Posted by Christopher Mc on Saturday, March 27, 2010,
In :
Humour
...just go go go I don't care how you can go by foot, you can go by cow Irish bishops will you please go now.
You can go on skates, you can go on Skis You can go in a hat but please go please I don't care, you can go by bike you can go on a zike bike if you like
If you like you can go in an old blue shoe Just go go go, please do do do Irish Bishops I don't care how Irish Bishops will you please go now!

Just looking at a round up of the news on abuse. We have the person who is suing Cardinal Brady c... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Wednesday, March 24, 2010,
In :
Humour
Chatting to a woman on the train this evening. "Have you seen The Passion of the Christ?" she asked. "Yes" says I. "It's very sad at the end, isn't it?" says she. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, March 21, 2010,
In :
Humour

Fr Brian D'Arcy and Grima Wormtongue
How do you know Fr Brian D'Arcy is betraying the Church and undermining the faith?
His lips are moving. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Saturday, March 20, 2010,
In :
Humour
 Bishop Clouseau: it is, eh, em, aye, a minekey riseling. Gavin Esler: minekey? Bishop Clouseau: Aye, aye, minekey, the Peep's former See. (Editor: That's enough - no one knows what you're talking about). Well it was good to see Bishop McKeown swinging into action in the media, bravely defending his position as next in line for the next available diocese. Clogher would be handy cos, you know, hardly any grammar schools and that's what's important. Children come first and if we don't want to... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Thursday, March 11, 2010,
In :
Humour
 The victims support group, One in Four, Two for Joy, has attacked Pope Benedict XVI for his failure to prevent a horn growing on the head of an old Chinese women. "His silence is disgraceful", said Marie Collins, "This has been a growing problem for years and he's done nothing about it. Everybody knew about this, even though she wore a scarf; it's a complete cover up." Andrew Madden, who used to be Chinese until he defected last month, said that he had read very carefully the Vatican's lett... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Thursday, March 11, 2010,
In :
Humour
Watched a programme tonight, The Boys of St Columb's. Derry people are tremendously gifted - they manage to combine an inflated sense of their own importance with a whingy tone in a way that no other people can quite achieve. The closest competition maybe comes from Palestinians but at least they don't usually try to sing (apart from that ghastly concert during the Holy Father's visit to the Holy Land). Bishop Edward Daly came across as nice. Of course he was born in Donegal. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Tuesday, March 9, 2010,
In :
Humour
Photoshopped - this never happens in nature
"When the door of a microwave oven, in which has been placed a cup, jug or bowl with a handle, is opened, the propability that the handle will be facing the back of the oven is 1." Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Saturday, March 6, 2010,
In :
Humour
 One of my good friends has accused me of unnecessary cruelty, a charge I accept so I am amending the post - for those who missed it - well it was cruel but funny and you should read more often. I was pleased to see Niamh Kavanagh on the Late Late Show on Friday and that she will be representing Ireland at the Eurovision Song Contest. She is a tremendous singer, though the song is not as good as the one that won in 1993 and I doubt she'll win. She'll also need to get better advice on dress as t... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Monday, February 8, 2010,
In :
Humour
A boy in my son's class asked the teacher the other day a question about geometry. "Sir, if there's three dimensional things, does that mean you can have one dimensional things?" To which the teacher replied "em, er, em I'm really not sure about that". Michael (10) stuck his hand up and told them about lines.  Speaking of dimensions, I had an hilarious (to me) experience the other day. I was waiting for lift - the doors opened and inside was an enormously tall woman - she must have been at leas... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Thursday, January 21, 2010,
In :
Humour
Scientists have suggested that a powerful aftershock that rattled Haiti on Wednesday was caused my massive tectonic shifting when Ted Kennedy turned in his grave. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, December 6, 2009,
In :
Humour
 In case you missed this story ("Too Fat to Fly") and this one ("Fly Fatty Flees Justice" or "Prison Pass for Porky Paedophile Protestant"). Some people think I have a prejudice against large people. I do. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, November 22, 2009,
In :
Humour
Here's a site specially designed for the paranoid priests of Down and Connor who live in continual fear of catching something from a cough or a sneeze or some type of contact with the faithful.
 Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, October 18, 2009,
In :
Humour
Several people have been phoning , emailing and texting madly wanting to know what on earth this story is about. Well they'll just have to do their research and figure it out.
But be assured it is really funny. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Monday, September 21, 2009,
In :
Humour
Want a bit of a laugh? Visit You Tube and search for "liturgical abuses America's funniest weddings and baptisms". I don't seem to be able to put in the direct link. My favourite bit comes around 30 seconds which features a priest dropping a host down the front of a girl's dress. I remember this from old liturgical books which presented this particular problem. The lady is supposed to be taken into the sacristy and carefully shaken by pious ladies - not publicly groped by the priest.... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Friday, September 18, 2009,
In :
Humour
Those peep toes are so last season. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, August 30, 2009,
In :
Humour
Excuse me for a moment, I think I just vomited in my mouth. It's not swine flu - it's Kennedy Funeral. Okay so he apparently went to confession before he died and therefore just about scrapes through the canonical requirements to get a Catholic funeral (though if it's the same priests he's been hanging with for the last forty years, well, I suppose they have it on their conscience). I saw a bit of the Left Hand of Darkness doing a eulogy - those of you with long memories will remember my fir... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Tuesday, July 21, 2009,
In :
Humour
I recently attended an informal seminary reunion - about fourteen or fifteen of us gathered in a rather dodgy looking French restaurant next door to the Ballynafeigh Orange Hall - it looked like the sort of place the UDA commanders used to meet in upstairs. That said the food was lovely and the service was excellent. It's interesting to see how some people have changed physically, while others haven't at all in 15 years. And how personalities remain the same throughout. Apparently I was tr... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, June 28, 2009,
In :
Humour
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, June 7, 2009,
In :
Humour
 "Mesdames et Messieurs les Députés, le président des États-Unis d'Amérique". The President stands ponderously behind the podium, the massed soldiery, some missing limbs, others minds, all of them missing their lost comrades from that day, stand at attention as best they can. "I am thrilled, indeed pleased and honoured, that so many people of different shades of colour, and none, have gathered here today to share with me the great privilege of having this beach named after me. As one among... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Tuesday, June 2, 2009,
In :
Humour
...too hot to blog. Back when I'm cool ("that'll be never then" spake my wife). Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Friday, May 29, 2009,
In :
Humour

Did you know this? You know the zucchetto, the skull cap worn by prelates? Well the word comes from "zucca", the Italian for pumpkin. I wonder who first made the connection between bishops and pumpkins.
This nugget is from the Catholic Dictionary published by Our Sundary Visitor, a book I recommend for all. And cheap too - €6.40 new in book shops. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Wednesday, May 27, 2009,
In :
Humour

My friend Doris, after calling me all sorts of names, ordered me to remove the previous version of this posting, so if you missed it, well, that's a pity cos it was very interesting. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Wednesday, May 20, 2009,
In :
Humour
 Remember the old joke about the Kerry man whose wife has had twins wanting to know who the other father was? Obviously he was familiar with heteropaternal super fecundation. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Friday, May 8, 2009,
In :
Humour
Posted by Christopher Mc on Sunday, May 3, 2009,
In :
Humour
 ... when you have a dream about meeting Katie Holmes when you're on your lunchbreak in Dublin and you find yourself telling her about the problems you've been having with your Opel Zafira (run and don't stop running) and she takes you to a car dealer and buys you a new car. I wonder has that ever happened to anyone? Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Monday, April 27, 2009,
In :
Humour
 D'ya ever find yourself standing before a mirror of a morning with a brush in hand and discovering that your hair has turned into the hair of Ken Barlow? I'm not saying it's happened to me. Just wondering has it ever happened to anyone. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Monday, April 20, 2009,
In :
Humour
 The scene: a Velux factory somewhere in Denmark. The actors: Haagen and Paavo. Haagen the apprentice: this glue is amazing, it's the strongest stuff I've ever seen. Paavo: it holds the windows together, keeps the different layers of laminate together - it has to be really strong. Haagen: well I've a little left over, what should I do with it? Paavo: put it on the glass and we'll stick the instructions on. Haagen: but won't the glue make it really difficult to get the instructions off? Paavo:... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Tuesday, April 7, 2009,
In :
Humour
Posted by Christopher Mc on Monday, April 6, 2009,
In :
Humour
 I had a strange dream last night. It involved a vending machine in which you typed in your size, style and colour and the internal knitting machine knitted you a jumper while you waited. Dragon's Den here I come. I'm offering 10% of the business for €100,000. I'm sure it will be a winner. I'll throw in my ideas for cosmetic ear shadow if you need a sweetener. Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Friday, March 13, 2009,
In :
Humour
 If you're looking for some light entertainment and a way to meet new people, here's a fun new game I've discovered. You see someone wearing a Liverpool FC top (or scarf, hat, coat whatever); you stop them and say "excuse me, do you know you're wearing a Liverpool top?". They usually reply "what?" in some shape or form - depending on where you are - it may include an explitive. You then reply "I thought perhaps it was a mistake". Usually best to move off quickly at this point, although many... Continue reading ...
Posted by Christopher Mc on Tuesday, March 10, 2009,
In :
Humour

So the Holy Father is on a pastoral visitation to the Holy Land. The first day he's at the Wailing Wall, kneeling. A child asks him what he's doing. "I'm praying for peace between the Jews and the Arabs". "And who are you talking to?" asked the child. "To God the Father" replied the Pope.
The next day the Pope is back at the Wailing Wall again. "What are you doing?" asks another child. "I'm praying for peace in Sudan". "And who are you talking to?" asked the child. "To God the Son" re... Continue reading ...
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About Me + Disclaimer + Email + How to Comment
| Christopher Mc Camley |
| Drogheda, Ireland |
Catholic, Carmelite, Husband, Father, Reader of all sorts of books, Writer of occasional letters, Viewer of lots of TV and movies, Lover of tea, Hater of coffee. Anything I write is my own opionion and is not intended to represent the views of any organisation with which I have a connection. You can email me at "blog at live.ie" (replace the "at" with @). Don't be shy. To comment, click on the title of post. You have to include a name and email but fake ones work fine. Make sure there's an @ in the email.
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